you.
but i don't know who you are.
so who do i miss?
the good old days.
where things were carefree.
and i didn't have to deal with this bullshit.
what's wrong with you?
and you.
and especially you.
why are you doing this to the both of them?
they don't deserve for history to repeat itself.
but then again.
its you.
so i don't expect more.

i don't know what to do about myself.
do i?
or don't i?
answers please.
asap.

x

sometimes i just want to drop everything and go, to leave everything behind and escape reality.
but whats scary is that sometimes im actually serious.

i can't do this.
like seriously i can't.
its so hard, even though what you're telling me is right.
i want to do the right thing, i want to be that light that shines above nations and worlds.
but im so weak.
and im so.. not thinking straight.

this is so depressing

It's sad.
because i still do think about you.
and as i re-read what we once had.
it makes me smile to know i had it.
you made me smile.
but that's all in the past now.
it's time to move on.
and it's for the better.
i liked you more than any other boy.
but you don't need to know that.
im content just sitting here with that thought all to myself.
i love you.
and i always will.
xox

CLICK ME IM HOT!

you frustrate me so much. i really don't know what to do with you. i no longer know how i feel about you or if i feel you at all. it started out so great but that initial passion has decreased so much i wonder if there is any of it left. i try so hard to make this work for the both of us. i bite my tongue before i speak. i think about how i can constantly improve and be more patient but i do have a limit. it took me so much to let this happen. i dont think you understand how much that really is. i dont think you even care that much, or you wouldn't be the way you are. you want me to open up and tell you everything, to let you in my life 100% but how can i do that the way its going now? how can i still have room for you in my life. when it is the way it is.

im really sorry i dont live up to your expectations. im sorry you can do "so much better". im sorry im not a "better" girlfriend. its just the way i am and you dont have to accept it. but like seriously, if you can't accept it then don't go out with me. don't keep me as your girlfriend. i really don't care if we break up.

its come to that point where i don't really care anymore. every few weeks this happens all over again. well im sorry but im sick of it. bloody sick of all the ups and downs. im sick of your criticising. i am so much better than you. in every way. seriously. thats just how i feel and you will never read this because im too chicken to say it to you. but maybe i will. since last weekend i've had a long and hard think about this. im not sure if this is what i want. i try so hard but its just not working.

so soon enough i'll have had enough of it and i will leave. maybe it'll end tonight. who knows. i just know that we're not going to be together for much longer because i can't stand you. i couldn't stand you from a long time ago but i was patient and forgiving. i just let you be the way you want to be, so immodest, so obnoxious, so undeserving. you made me realise that i can do so much better than you. i remember telling you that you can do so much better. well i take that back. you can't. you can't do any better than me. i am the best you're ever going to get and you should be sad that you can't even keep me for 2 months without me tearing my hair out trying to get away from you..

i dont bar you on purpose. i bar you because i don't like being around you. i don't like you. i don't like anything about you. i pity myself. for ever liking someone like you. i pity anyone who's ever liked you in the past. i nkow that no one will like you much in the future. or maybe you'll find someone like yourself. i wish you luck in that. i won't miss you.

so here i say goodbye. good bye you and if i say so myself, good riddance too.

i saw you the other day..
and everything,
just came flooding back.

oh em gee. what the hell is wrong with me. why do i feel the way i do? do i like you? im not supposed to like you, you have a gf for crying out loud. you're not even that.. great to her so why the hell do i want to be in her spot?
omg i swear theres something wrong with me. i always end up liking the wrong guys. all the time. havent made a right decision since year 9. i know. what the hell.
and why am i jealous anyway? it was only a game. everyone did it? so why did the fact that i saw you make my heart.. flip and hurt. why do i feel this way. i don't need to feel this way. i don't deserve to feel this way. i deserve better than you. but dammit i just can't get over it.
maybe its coz im like that. it takes me alot to like someone. even more to keep liking that person. and a hell of alot to stop liking them. am i loyal?  im not sure. i was fickle with my last relationship so who knows how i'll be in my next on?
do i even want to be with you? right now, yes. i do. but that will change in the future. i can't be with you. you're not who i thought you were. you're worse and i don't like going out with bad people =]
so i guess i just want to let it out so that i know what i feel is real and hopefully i'll get over it.
i liked you.
i might even like you.
but that's all about to change.

THIS CRAP FEELING.

ITS HAPPENING ALL OVER AGAIN.

GAY.

ok bye.

everything happens for a reason, and more often than not, they're for a pretty good reason too. its really stupid that i post here when i have the other blog, but knowing no one will read this sort of gives me a private outlet in a way. too much stuff's been happening lately and my body aches. My mind is also.. everywhere, i don't know what to think about and even what to think exactly. It's all so confusing but at the same time i love the feeling. Weird i know. I hope things will be made clear in the future, near or not i can't decide. '

To you: I'm so glad we're still good friends. We've been through so much and now that we're where we are i'm so happy. (that made no sense) The fact that you can trust me with just about everything makes me so happy. and it reminds me of how it used to be, when we were oh-so-close. i guess we still are nowadays even though we're in separate worlds completely. it's sort of as if a little parts of the worlds overlap and we're there. i hope that nothing ever changes between us. and hopefully what you tell me you want to happen in the future will actually happen :)

To you: I'm so confused by .. myself i guess. I guess i want to more than i do. Or maybe i do but i just don't know it or don't want to admit it, because.. i'm scared? Although there is nothing to be scared about. I really care about you alot and in the short time i've got to know you i really like you. In what way i'm still unsure, maybe i will know soon. I'll let things happen the way they're meant to, i won't push anything nor will i stop it if it does end up happening.. I just hope that we're both .. happy? I don't know.. i just hope everything turns out for the best i guess..